What is Litter? A Philosophical Tale

So tell the truth.

When you read the title of this lil' ole blog did you stop and go, "What the scoop?"

Well that's the same reaction I had when I read this letter:

Dear Stanley,

My owner just purchased a SmartScoop and we are all, like, tres excited. But then came the dénouement...we were tres perplexed as to the type of litter it would require. Help us, s'il vous plaît.

Ciao,

Persuadable Persian

Dénouement? Like, tres perplexed? Fan mail from a faux feline from France? And the worst part is, I know her. Her name's Peg and she's from Philly. And the closest she's been to french are the fries at McDonald's. Geez, get a column and everybody gets pretentious.

But the question is at least legit. And I'll restate it for those of you who don't speak wannabe: What kind of litter should I use with my SmartScoop? And the answer...

Dear Persuadable,

Use cat litter. More specifically, clumping cat litter. Don't use clay, non-clumping, pine- or newspaper-based litter. And don't use crystals or pearls. Seriously. Finally, don't go changin' to try and please me...sorry, but it was right there. I meant to say, don't go changin litter brands unless you absolutely have to. Nobody likes that.    

Did that clear up your tres confusion? You're not foolin anyone, you know?

Serve No Advice Before Its Time

So, there I was, hangin with my Himalayan homies -- I love alliteration. Anyways. They say to me, "Stanley," (cause that's my name) "You know a lot about all things CAT."

It's true. It's a takes-one-to-know-one kinda deal. But I digress.

To make a long story short, they asked me to give them and their humans a little advice. Problem was that when they asked my paws were itchin' and I needed a wicked scratch. So I excused myself to find a scratching post (I don't like to use the furniture unless I'm makin' a point) and suggested they put pen to paper and jot down a few questions.

When I came back, they'd written down a few questions -- except for Auggie. He was just chasing the pen cap all over the room. Not the brightest scoop in the litter box.

So I read their first question...and it hit me. I should put my vast wisdom to work. I could be a columnist, like Ann Landers. Or Dear Abby. Or those Car Talk guys. I could be famous-er. I could change the world-- and, be honest--who would you rather have run the world?

So. Without further ado. Cue the fanfare and streamers. Live on the Interwebs. The one. The only. The first ever, suitable for framing, Franklin Mint collectible version. The pilot episode of the column that will redefine life as you know it....

Introducing the Ask Stanley column on this very blog. Ready?

Dear Ask Stanley,

My human has finally got the message that our old litter box is not for me. It only took 3 rugs. So, we're in the market. Should we get a SmartScoop?

Signed,
Clumped in Cleveland.

Dear Clumped,

Yes.